why does it seem like one day you actually care about my existence but the next you want me completely out of your life

It's been over a year now and I've realised I'm probably not gonna feel the same way about anyone else. I can't even catch feelings and I compare everything they do to you. Sometimes I wish we waited longer so it would've lasted and I just wish I could relive one day where we were together because I've never felt more like myself than when you're around