i keep thinking i'm over you but then you show up in my dreams again. but we're like strangers now. i never realized how little i knew about you, but now it feels like you have an entire life that has nothing to do with me at all. you're somebody else, and i'm still me. i think you hate me. that's ok. i don't blame you, honestly. i can be an asshole. but i think i still miss you. you made me feel like no one else ever has before. like home. every time you embraced me it felt like home. i feel like we've been through so much together and you are such a fucking amazing person, truly such a kind person, and now nothing will ever be the same between us. and the worst part is that i left first. and the instant i did it i regretted it, i came crawling back to you, and then i blamed you for it. maybe it was unhealthy, what we had, but it felt right. i'm sorry. i hope you don't see this. sometimes i wonder if i deserved better because sometimes it seemed like you didn't really love me the way i loved you. i just think that you had a hard time showing it. it's like, you always know that it's going to end someday, that a relationship can't last forever. in the back of your mind you always know that. but somehow i always manage to think that everyone i fall for is the one. but you really felt like it. i thought maybe we'd get married. isn't that stupid? god. this is long. i didn't expect it to be this long but i'm just writing now because i want you to read it. and if you read this and think it's me then you'll probably just hate me even more. this sounds bad but i hope you miss me. i really hope you think of me and want to text me and want to get back together. but i don't think so. i want you to be happy. i think maybe i've said all that i can say. this is weird. i hope you find a guy who really understands you, and i hope he loves you the way i always have. -