You were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known. No woman will ever compete with you. You have the biggest heart out of anyone in this entire world. You made me feel special. Everything you hate about yourself, I love. I’m so sorry I fucked you up. Do you think I enjoy seeing the pain I put you through? But you have to understand: you were too perfect. You were too good for me. I self sabotaged because I couldn’t accept your love because it was too good for me. I have no fucking clue why you choose me. God, Merrill, look at yourself. You are so beautiful. And you act so confident but I know that you don’t truly know it. Your lips. Your hair and the way it folds in waves. Your brown eyes and your blonde hair. But most of all, god, your smile. Your smile can make the loneliest person feel joy. I hope you never loved me, but I know you did because your you and you love everyone. You loved me more than anyone. Why? I will never understand why. I cant ever sleep with someone else without closing my eyes and picturing you instead. And for the rest of my life, I know I won’t be able to. I love you merrill.

I'll always hope to see you again. Thank you so much for every moment you shared with me.