I know what she does to herself
I know it won’t stop
All I can do is sit here and watch
How can I stop it
I can’t
I watch her drown herself in alcohol
I hear her boasting to her friends
I see her stumble across the playground
Her socks knee height
Like a child
She staggers towards me
Calling my name
Her speech slurred
She tells me how much
She values our friendship
And then tells me how much
She wants to die
She sits in maths
Dreaming of the next cigarette
The next joint
The next pack of painkillers
They numb the pain
Never kill it
Her calculator lid
Covered in icing sugar
Sickly sweet and
Painfully dizzy
There’s no way to help
She won’t let me help
But if I don’t
It’ll be my fault
It’s always my fault
God I hate this.

It’s so painful
Watching your best friend fade away
A rose withers away
I just have to sit and watch