hey, so you're never gonna see this. But I just wanted to tell you how much pain you've caused. You told me I was too thin, too unhealthy. And worst of all you told me you loved me but got together with a random girl a month after our breakup. I opened myself to you and I dared to introduce you to my parents, which is something i've never done before. And for someone who doesn't hv the best relationship with their parents, that was a big fucking step. I told you I'm getting better. It began to get easier with eating, I didn't harm myself for a long time. But you didn't believe me and when you left you destroyed everything I've been working on. I still remember lying on your chest, looking up to your face, listening to your heartbeat, trying to remember every single detail of how you looked like in that moment and what and how i felt, because I had that strange feeling it was going to end soon and that I would never be able to experience this ever again. And while I did that, a tear rolled down my face and you asked me what was wrong. I didn't know what to say. I just thought to myself: fuck, this is gonna hurt like hell. And fuck no I didn't feel comfortable to do all that sexual stuff with you, but i did it anyways, because I did it for you. But that sexual process just wasn't fast enough for you and that's probably also a reason why things ended between us. You know what? Yea, love makes blind. I didn't realize how messed up all that was then. But I do now. Fuck you bro, I thought the problem was me all along. I thought I was a sick person, the crazy bitch. But there's so much more to it. You know, I told you that one of my greatest fears was losing people I care most about. You promised man, and then you stabbed me in the back like everybody else did. And I changed. I can't even hug my best friends normally without me being grossed out by it. Cause I can't take physical touch anymore, cause it takes me back to you. And yet after all that. After all that bullshit I'm sitting here writing this. Cause guess what, I still think about you every single day. I love you, I still do. But I'm no longer in love with you and you aren't my person anymore. So I guess this is a thank you message aswell as a goodbye message. I've learned a lot. You seem happy and that's what my only hope is for you, for you to be happy, eventhough all that. And somewhen I will be too. So thank you.

don’t forget about me juju.

sometimes i wonder if you still think about me

I loved you more than I ever admitted myself