Unsent messages to J.H

Im sorry, but i just fucking love you. And not in the "puppy love", "cant live without you you" kinda way. I can live without you, i can have anyone i want and have a fulfilling life. I can be and do anything i want to and i plan to.
But i love YOU so much, that i want you to be the person by my side, the fulfillment that our bond gives me is the highest and most purest feeoing i have ever felt and no one compares to you.
But i also love you so much, that i have to walk away now, you are with her and i need to move on. Please know, i will spend my life thinking about you, my poor future husband will know how much i love you, and you know it will always be you..
You act cold and heartless, but i know you. Thats not you.. when you find yourself again, dont lose it again. Xx

idk why i like you even though i can see how mean you are, i hate you yet i like you at the same time its been almost a year too and i always think of you hoping that you can talk to me first i wanna muster up to courage to ask how you feel about me but im a very self conscious person but if i do ask then maybe i will finally stop liking you?