ok i miss u. some days i’m fine without you but other days i just can’t even bring myself to get out of bed because i miss you so much. sometimes i look at the pictures we took & the videos & think about all the fun times we had but i think for now, the memories are all i have. i’m not quite sure why i have such a huge attachment to someone who doesn’t care about me as much as i care about them but i guess that’s just what happens ?‍♀️ in life people come & go & you were one of the people who left. the person i thought i’d spend my whole life with left but who knows.. maybe we’ll be together in another lifetime or maybe it’s better this way. what’s meant to be will happen i guess. i just don’t want to believe it, i hate the fact that i don’t have you anymore & i hate the fact that i’m not yours but if you don’t want me then i guess that’s the way it’s gonna be. soon you’ll realise how much i loved you but for now it’s goodbye. i’ll always love you bumbum ?

wow this is like the 3rd time i’ve written about you this week, usually i don’t think about you that much but i’ve been alone for the past like 3 days & you’re all i have to think about. tomorrow would be a month since we broke up, heartbreak anniversary hahah. damn, it’s weird to think 2 months ago today we would’ve been on a ft call, we use to spend our whole day & night on call & just talk, i always wonder where things went wrong with us because everything back then was so perfect. i guess you just got bored because the chase was over & you didn’t have any energy to keep chasing since you had me wrapped around your finger. i can’t help but look at the memories & the texts. i think it sucks how you lost feelings for me just like that. it makes me wonder if your feelings were even real in the first place and if you loved me like you said you did but as long as you’re happy, right? i just don’t get how we can share our secrets, sleepover at each others houses, meet each others parents & family just to become strangers & walk past each other like nothing between us even happened. i don’t think i’ll ever get it. i did have fun with you tho, you taught me how to kiss bahah but most importantly, how to let go. i miss you & i miss us, i’ll always miss us. in a way i’m glad i moved out of taupo, i won’t have to keep laying in the same room we made memories in but i’m thankful for you for being my first love. now that i look back, i wish we just stayed friends, we ruined a good friendship for our own selfish needs & now i’ll never be able to look at you the same. ill always see you as the boy i love & i’ll continue to love you until i move on but until then i’m stuck in a loop of going back to you & then getting ignored. so yeah we haven’t talked in a while & idk what i’ll ever do if i saw you again in real life haha. i also don’t even know what i’d do if i saw you with another girl, i’m not ready for that. the day i see you with another girl is the day i lose myself aha. it’s been a while tho since we talked like i said before but i think this’ll be better for us because it’ll help me move on. wow you just messaged me & said are you mad at me hahah what the heck. weird how i was saying we hadn’t talked then you message me, what were the odds. your name on my phone is literally “ex (don’t txt back) & then i go & text you back smh. maybe i’m doing this to myself. i really wanna talk to him but i know it’s bad for me to keep going back to him all the time.

bruh why can i not stop thinking about you? i literally don’t get it. you’ve done nothing but hurt me & i STILL want you back. what is wrong with me. i think it’s cause you showed me what it was like to be in a physical relationship where we would hug & kiss all the time. i sound dumb but i hope the circumstances change & we end up back together again. sometimes i hate you. a lot. i hate you for acting like you want me & then when i give you what you want you act like you don’t know me at all. fuck you for not caring about me the way i care about you, you fkn dick. i always wish i could call you & just ask why you did the things you did. i wish i could just text you again, i wish we could cuddle in your bed together again, i wish i could look into your big brown eyes & just talk to you about everything. i miss everything about you, from your big ass forehead to your dry as jokes. i miss your laugh, i miss your smile, i miss how you would make fun of me for doing dumb stuff & i miss walking to the shops with you all the time, i miss how you always shivered when i touched the back of your neck & the cute giggle you do when i tickle you when you swear you aren’t ticklish. god i miss us.

ok i’m crying. i was reading our old messages on text because for some reason i’m still waiting for you to text me back but i still can’t get my head around the fact that we’re not “us” anymore. you’re not coming back & i still haven’t processed that yet. i hate you for leaving when you said you would stay cause you promised. i hate you but sadly i hate myself more for still caring about you & for waiting for you to come back when you’re never going to. i’m just scared for when i move on because what if you want want me but i’ve already moved onto someone new but i can’t keep waiting on you. i cant keep expecting you to change because if you wanted me this would’ve never happened & you would’ve proved that you wanted me in the first place. i shouldn’t have to go through this much pain just for you to realise what you want. anyways i still wear your hoodies all the time, especially when i’m sad because i have such a big emotional attachment to them because when i wear them it feels like you’re still here. i think the problem with me is that you show me a small amount of attention & then i get my hopes up. i guess it’s my own fault for thinking you still want me when you don’t lol.

i think the problem about dating someone like a year younger than me was that he isn’t mature & he doesn’t know the difference between right & wrong & he doesn’t know that the stuff he’s doing is hurting. in 2 days it’ll be a month since we broke up, it’s weird when we walk past eachother at school cause it’s like we walk past each other like we don’t know each other’s secrets yk? idk it’s weird, well i think it is idk. i miss him, a lot. anyways goodbye for now

lol hope you’re doing okay

i hope you always love me

I miss our relationship. I like to think in another universe we lasted. I will always love you.

my words were just words to you

do you remember my birthday?

i cant stop thinking of u even after everything
get out of my head