i'm sorry for all the shit i've done to you, and i know im not the innocent one in this relationship. yet you've always taken the blame even if we had huge fights. at first we would fight for hours and then just eventually forget about it but these recent months you havent, and it just goes to show how much you really want me. you are actually trying to improve while i sit here and lie to you, but still, we're both always in the wrong, we have been from the start :/ our relationship has never ever really been smooth sailing, but still i feel the most guilty i feel like, i could never open up like you wanted me to and u always gave me time, you never pressured me into it because you know how much the past scarred me. and im sorry im so emotionally cut off now. and now im only capable of showing rage or jealousy, idk whats wrong w me tbh lol, i do terrible things all the time and never really feel remorse unless i could get hurt in it aswell, ive fucked you over countlessly tbh, and i know you havent been picture perfect either but you were always truthful. but im not, at the start yeah, but thats because i was blinded by the thought of us being together, actually being in love, actually being in a serious relationship. i know were both toxic for eachother and i feel like you could never fully admit that, you were blinded by the appearance of love, and the rush of feelings you have for me. the thought of love. but i dont think i can fully and proudly say that i was in love i think i definitely had feelings, but i could always think about others, if someone interesting popped up i wouldnt really hesitate to see who they were, am i badforthat? pt 1