Are you having a hard time like me? I miss you, seeing you. I kinda just want to sit in silence by your side knowing everything is okay

Do you feel alone? I have so many people in my life yet is still empty. I'm sad, and I'm trying not to be, and is hard. I have such good people in my life, I have happy times, and is not enough. I want it to be enough why is that so hard. My mind goes dark and I'll cry. It's always been that way and I guess I been trying to run from that. No matter how many years pass I have always felt this way, I don't know where my mind is at. I tell you cause you won't ever go back to read this and at the same time maybe you'll understand if you don't that's okay because I know you listened and didn't judge. Thanks for being there, I wanted to do the same for you. I'm sorry I couldn't, I did more harm than good. I tried, it backfired I guess and now I feel like supporting you from a distance is the way to go and maybe is selfish cause you wish to be by my side who knows. If you ever see me give a smile out and I'll look back to all our good times. I hope your doing well, you always said you were okay and you weren't. I'm sorry for leaving once again and probably leaving you waiting. I know I can say sorry so many times and it won't make up for where we are now. Just know I'm glad we crossed paths, I'm glad I met you and if I can go back and start over with how we met I will. I want to change the future, but anyone can change it and no one knows exactly how it will be like. But there's one thing I do know and is that I love you. We probably had a connection in our past life and that's why we clicked so well. Stay safe, be careful and be happy :) This is my last one, I hope we both make it