um, so it's currently 4:46 am and I just decided to spill all of my emotions and express my feelings rn so here we go.. when we first met I thought that you seemed really sweet and innocent so obvi I had to be your friend. then we got to know each other and my first impression of you was true, you were always so sweet and kind. I opened up to you and you somewhat opened up to me. we became really good friends and then began talking. after a while we watched Netflix and we have "our show" that we watch. We finished watching every episode from that show but we still kept talking, and we would stay up a night because I always had trouble sleeping and you didn't want to leave me alone. I found myself smiling at your text and every time I got a notif I would wish that it was from you. then suddenly u just went ghost on me and that truly hurt me. without you being there I lost myself and constantly found myself overthinking and either binge-eating or not eating at all. I felt like I didn't know who I was without you being there. after a while, I started finding myself and I was doing better. but then it got worse again. months later I got a text from you.. it was out of the blue but obviously, I had to respond. we slowly started texting again and then we started our daily ft routine. we decided to rewatch "our show" and that was actually really fun. we would stay up all night mainly because apparently every time you would say goodnight and that you were going to hang up I would sound sad which would make you feel bad so you would stay up. I felt bad for keeping you up but at the same time, I was glad because without you on the phone, I would get lost in my thoughts at night. We started talking more and more and I think I kind of started catching feelings for you. That's a lie, I didn't kind of catch feelings, I DID CATCH FEELINGS AND I STILL HAVE THEM!.. you gave me mixed signals and at times it did seem like you cared for me especially when you would tell me that you loved me but then at some times you would talk about other girls. I don't know if you intended to make me jealous but if they were it didn't really make me jealous, it just made me overthink even more. By you bringing up other girls it made me think that I wasn't' enough, I'm not worth it, you say you love me but only to get a reaction, this is your way of telling me that you find me annoying and want to stop talking to me. But then you would come to me when you were stressed and I felt good about that. I thought we could go somewhere but now you'rere slowly ignoring me and you are slowly backing away. You haven't called at all which is a bummer. I just want to hear your voice again or at least one more time. Great now I'm crying lolz isn't that fun... anyways this is really long so I'm going to wrap it up right here but there is way more that I would like to say. anyways I love you even though it hurts loving you. I finished writing at 5:10 am
xoxo,
a
until next time..if there is one ?